you think you'll never get up again

ura de dimineata. I used to think that kindness wasn't a weakness and I had no fucking problem with compassion.
si toti oamenii din jurul meu I see them waking up and getting dressed all taught and shiny and their lives aren't even close to perfect and still they find a way to get out of the fucking bed and wash their faces and start anew and pull through the day. and they do it so gracefully it makes me wanna run away and disappear and never let anyone get close to me and see me and break me. when did things stop being simple and clear and when did it all get so messed up and broken and complicated? "this life came so close to never happening. you all came so close to never happening" and I just don't get it anymore, everyone seems to be faking their way through life anyway they can: love, a good job, proper friends, sex, music, drugs and all that other shit out there. and you never keep yourself from swallowing all that psycho-babble-bullshit they're selling you, all these little lies, all the shows, all the theories about love and relationships and life, the sex&the city californicating lifestyle you really want to believe it's real, it works, it's yours and you fucking take it. well why wouldn't you take it? it's not like you're a fucking masochist.
"Here we are, she thought, at the edge of the world the very edge of western civilization and all of us are so desperate to feel something, anything that we keep falling into each-other and fucking our way towards the end of days."